My Best

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Dear Max,

I’ve been tired lately.  Daddy has been traveling more than he’s been home.  You and I both came down with the.horrible.preschool.cold.from.hell.  We’ve been sick, exhausted, and quite frankly, getting on each other’s nerves.  I told Baubee the other day, that if you knew the word “bored”, I’m sure you would’ve been using it this week.

Sometimes I feel like I suck at this Mommy thing.  I beat myself up about my parenting skills, and when I lie in bed at night after you’ve gone to sleep, I always wonder if I could’ve done better.  This morning you were SO happy to be at gymnastics class.  You listened, you ran up and said “Hi Teacher Just-ica, I WEADY for ciwcle time!”  His name is Justin, but your favorite teacher at school is Jessica, hence Just-ica’s new gender-bending name.  You managed to stay in circle the entire time.  You did the running/skipping/jumping exercises, and the eager smile on your face completely melted me.  I promise that we will do more things like this.  I promise that I will find more energy to run as fast as you do.

Every day, I tell you that you are “my best”.  When I first walk into your room in the morning, and you snuggle in my lap and ask me to read you a story.  “You are my best” I whisper.  When you run to me after preschool and throw your arms around my neck.  “You are my best boy” I say quietly in your ear.  When you sit next to me at the tiny diner on Main St.  “You are my best friend” I say, as I high-five you and you reach over to push all of the buttons on the juke box.  I watch you inhale two scrambled eggs with cheese, a Mickey Mouse pancake, three pieces of bacon, and half of my french fries…..and a chocolate milk….and I can’t help but laugh that you are the best.date.ever.

You are my best.  And I am trying my best.  I am doing the best that I can.

Sometimes late at night, when I can’t sleep, I look through the photos that I have taken on my phone.  The little moments that chronicle our long days together.  I am filled with pride when I am reminded of what a sweet boy you are, even when you think no one is watching.

These spaceships?  You made sure that there was a “Mommy” and a “Daddy” and a “Baby”.  And you called them “Honey”.  So we must be doing something right…

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And then you…..

Which apparently, is just what boys do.

You are my best. You won’t eat popsicles. This is as close as you’ll get. Two seconds after I took this picture, you decided to use the popsicle as a guitar. And then I ate it.
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You build train cities with your Daddy, and I love watching the two of you work together.  Then when Daddy leaves, I rearrange every.single.track….because shhhhh….I kinda like playing trains.  I mean, with you.

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You look like this in the bathtub.

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And wherever we go, you have your killer grin on.  You are kind, and you are friendly, and you are full of goodness and sweetness and curiousity.  I love every single day with you, even when I’m frustrated with myself for not having a better activity/craft/game/adventure planned.

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I’m discovering that you are old enough to start making some of your own plans though.

There’s always important work to do.

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So I guess what I’m trying to say Max, is that we’re figuring this whole parenting thing out together.

You are my best, and I promise you, that I will always bring you the best of me.

Love,

Mommy

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Comments:

  1. Kim, all mom’s go through this,. Am I a good enough mom; am I doing too much/not enough? Am I raising a good future adult? We just have to do the best we can and muddle through each day knowing we are doing the best we can.

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