Have you heard the old, tired record that’s been spinning around on this blog lately? The one with the “angst-y” lyrics? The one that’s scratched, with deep grooves notched in by a fuzzy needle that no one ever picks up? That old “BlogHer 12” record? Well I’m breaking it in half.
I found this last night. I found some words of wisdom from Amy at Freaky Perfect, and she was talking about all of the BlogHer12 hand-wringing that was happening on Twitter. Her record sounded like this:
“While I have gleaned some good info for newbie attendees here and there, I have seen way too much unhelpful stuff — mainly a lot of freaking out……..
Put simply, people who know themselves don’t do this. People who are confident and secure and professional don’t freak out over traveling to a new place. They don’t stress about what they might wear. They don’t get bogged down in hurt feelings if they’re not invited to a party. And they don’t find their worth in coupons or memory sticks. They simply step out with their best foot forward, regardless of what everyone else is doing, because they know that no conference or outfit or event or person can change who they are at their core. Their confidence is strong, their identity unwavering.”
I read it. I read it again. I took my record, the one that was wailing the “Oh lordie what SHOES should I wear and what BRACELET should I bring and what if no one LIKES me” song, and I stomped on it (with an orange Prada platform, but old habits die hard).
And then I cried.
Who AM I? Amy is right. Professional women do not carry on about their outfits. Professional women do not publicly freak out on Twitter. Professional women are powerful, and confident, and self-aware, and ready to go out and grab whatever contracts or connections or business meetings they desire.
So I started to think about the “me” that writes this blog. What does my voice sound like? Not my mommy voice. Not my wife voice. Not the voice that gets high and panic-y when I feel overwhelmed. The real me. And guess what I
A WRITER. I chronicle the truth about motherhood. The reality of parenting a preschooler. The poems that I wrote in 7th grade have turned into essays on mothering your child through illness. Tear-stained journal pages have morphed into a blog that is honest about 3 years of marriage, mothering, and personal triumphs. I bring the funny, I slay the demons, I scream my politics, and I work out my pain. I write what is real. I write what I love. I write how I think, and I write what I speak. All of it.
A MOTHER. I grew this little guy. I am enamored with him. I speak my truth, to set a good example about what it means to be real. I am fiercely proud of the boy that Max has become, and constantly in awe of him. I have created a family, and it is the one thing that will always be right and good in this world.
A WIFE. Five years of marriage makes excellent blog material, but it also gives me shelter. The shelter of unconditional love and respect, the shelter that shared humor brings. A shelter that can withstand tag-teaming vomit clean-ups for three long years.
A PROFESSIONAL. I can stand in front of 50 police officers and talk to them about trauma response. I can teach workshops on adoption and birth families and hospital protocol. I can write and edit pretty much anything. I can hold children in my arms as they work through their greatest struggles. I can share my dreams and my fears with you, knowing that you are sitting there in front of your computer, and I won’t look away or close my eyes in shame.
I am Kim Simon, and I write Mama By The Bay.
You’ll see me at BlogHer 12. I’m the one who’s going to look you straight in the eye, reach out to give you a firm handshake or a warm hug, and tell you how darn excited I am to be there. Because this blogging world? It’s throwing the doors open wide for us, and I’m ready to walk on in with my head held high. We can do this ladies, because we know who we are.
If you so desire, I’d love to hear your “I AM” in the comments below. I can’t wait to meet you!---here---