My Best

If you’ve found us through Kelly’s Korner, then WELCOME! We’re linking up today because the topic is “only children”. And this handsome little guy is my one and only…….

As the mom of a toddler, I’m always asked “Is he your first?” and “Is he your only?” Most of the moms that I met when Max was first born are already on their second child. Many of the women that I’m close to in my life have at least two kids. Many are pregnant. Many are growing their families in all kinds of ways.
But not us.
And I used to answer cheerfully when people asked. I mean, c’mon folks….who decides to have a second baby when their first still doesn’t sleep through the night? Oh right….you guys don’t have that problem.

For our family, the decision to try for a second child has not been easy. Long talks, tears, arguments, anxiety, fear. In our house, the unknown journey has been almost paralyzing. So much so that I hesitated to even link up with Kelly’s Blog today. I mean, what do I want to SHARE about why we only have one child. Who, by the way is AMAZING. And blesses us with a ridiculous amount of joy every day. Sharing would mean admitting to things that I’m not proud of. Like jealousy. Why is it so easy for other families to adapt to their new normal? How come other people just go off and get pregnant without over-analyzing it to death? Why do other families have the support that they need? How do other moms cope when sometimes I can’t? How come most kids sleep 12 hours at night and take regular naps?

Things like fear. Worrying that another child will have the same health issues that Max does. Worried that I won’t be able to breastfeed again. Worried that something will go wrong. Worried that the stress of experiencing that first year again will cause irrepairable damage to my marriage. Worried that Max will be sad that some of my attention would be going to a new baby, when it’s just been he and I against the world, for 2 and a half years.

In my mind, no one understands this but me. No one gets what it’s like to love a child so fiercely, and yet sometimes feel drained so completely. I want Max to have a sibling. He is so sweet and loving to every baby we know. I want him to have a partner in life, someone to walk next to on the first day of school. Someone to watch cartoons with on a Saturday morning. Someone to build legos with and splash next to in the pool. I want there to be another teenager to drive to the high school dance with. I want another adult to sit by his side when Sean and I are old and sick.

I want to give him a best friend.

And of course, I want to love another little human being in all of the ways that I love Max. I want to be pregnant, and dream, and hope, and wonder. I want to mother, and love, and teach. Max is so dynamic and sweet and spirited. I want him to experience loving another child too. Even with all of the twists and turn our journey has taken, I want to experience it again.

But for now? Not quite yet. We haven’t reached a consensus yet.

Max is my one and only. And he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. To our family.

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Comments:

  1. Hi! I'm stopping by from SUYL!

    It's a very hard decision for some people and there is nothing wrong with that!

  2. Thank you for sharing. It's truly a hard decision. We have been there before.

  3. Hi there! I feel like you were speaking for me! Like seriously. Every.last.word of what you said is how I feel. I had a horrible pregnancy, months of PPD/PPA, was unable to breastfeed, and now am dealing with severe food allergies in our one year old. I want to scream when people tell me that I will "change my mind" about being one and done. People just don't get the struggle. If you ever want to chat…you can find me at minimunley.blogspot.com

  4. Kasey (Ethan's Mommy) says:

    Visiting from Kelly's blog… and I just wanted to comment and say that I can fully relate to you on all levels. My son was born with an illness too and it was deemed genetic… but then I struggle with wanting him to have a sibling too… it's a battle that weighs heavy on my mind, but at this point in time, I am content to be a mommy of one. And I trust God to handle the needs my son will have by not having a sibling. Anyway, nice to "meet" you and your cutie pie!

  5. I'm so glad to find your blog…thanks to Kelly's Corner:) Look forward to reading more in the future.

  6. Maryellen says:

    I wanted to encourage you from another angle. I was raised by my grandmother as an only child. People will tell you the child will be spoiled & selfish – I am neither. They will tell you the child will be lonely – I was not. I truly don't remember one time thinking why don't I have a sibling. I was loved. I was happy. I had wonderful friends. My life was full as a child. If you should decide to raise your son as an only child – he will be fine. He will flourish as I did. Don't let all those false fears about only children force you to do something you may not want to do. Blessings, enjoy your boy !

  7. JDaniel4's Mom says:

    This post has such feeling! I love how honest and heartfelt it is.

  8. I was glancing though the SUYL links and found your blog! I'm an only child (20 now) and honestly its worked out how it was supposed to. My parents got married at 34 and my mom had me at 39 and they tried for more it just wasn't how it was supposed to work out. I am so mature for my age and get along so well with adults. I'm very independent and know how to be alone which a lot of people my age just don't do. I was never spoiled as a younger child and as long as you raise your child right he will turn out great! Being an only child I was able to go to better private schools. The only thing that I probably felt I missed out on were family vacations. It really wasn't extremely fun to be on vacation with just my parents when I was younger. We did go with another family a couple times which was nice! As I've gotten older traveling with my parents is fun! I just felt the need to explain to you the benefits in my opinion of being an only child. I can't imagine my life another way. My blog is now private/I don't post anymore. Just understand you aren't going to hurt your child by him being an only child!

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