1) Mommy: Max, we can’t open the umbrella in the car. Mommy is going to put it away until we get to preschool. If it’s raining, we’ll open it when we get to school.
Mommy: Umbrellas are for raindrops honey. It’s not safe to have it open in the car.
Max:(crying) I NEED raindrops!!!!!!
2) Mommy: Max, in two minutes we’re going to turn your movie off, ok?
Max:(Covers his ears with his hands and YELLS) Yi Yi YI YI!!!
3) Max:(walking up to the pumpkin decorations on our front lawn and gently patting them on the head) Hi puh-in! I MISSed you!!
4) Apparently one of our neighbors (some dumbass) lost his SIX FOOT LONG Iguana. Somewhere between his house and our house. LOST it. As in, posted a missing sign saying that this damn thing is “not dangerous” but may be living in a TREE somewhere, and might get agitated if you approach it. Did I mention he LOST it?? And I’m only guessing that the neighbor is a “he”. Because who other than a 22 year old stoner highschool dropout guy with no girlfriend would own a fucking IGUANA? Or as Kerry so kindly pointed out “If it’s that big, it’s probably an alligator”. Great neighborhood we moved in to.
5) Potty training. Well, it’s going. Max peed once on the potty. Yesterday he just sat there and grabbed himself and said “point down”. At least something is sinking in.