I have reached the pinnacle of Mommy Blogging authenticity.  I am writing a post about my child’s poop.  Consider yourself warned.

I decided to revisit my Parent’s Guide To Potty-Training book this past weekend.  You know, the one with the checklist to help you decide if your toddler is ready to start “potty learning”, “potty teaching”, and all of those other fancy names that make bodily functions sound a little less gross?  Last time I went over the checklist, I couldn’t check anything off.  (Huge sigh!  Thank goodness!)  This time?  “Uhhhh, Sean?  He does ALL of these things.  Tells you when he’s going to go in his diaper?  Yes.  Sits on play potty and pretends to go?  Yes.  Takes his own clothes off?  All the time.  Wants to watch other people go potty?  Yep.  Has language for body parts and bathroom tasks?  Uh-huh.”  GREAT.

So we started having Max sit on the potty.  He’d sit, stand up, put his foot in the hole of the potty chair.  He’d run pants-less around the bathroom, open and shut the door, throw endless squares of toilet paper in, and pretend to flush.  It was entertaining, but not even close to an actual “potty attempt”, if you ask me.

Until this morning.

Max was standing by the coffee table after breakfast, and started to take his pants off.  Like he does every morning.  Except this time Sean said to him “If you’re taking your pants off, maybe you need to go potty”, and walked him in to the bathroom.  I could hear them both through the door….Sean telling him to sit back down, asking him about preschool, making conversation while Max sat there.  And then all of a sudden Sean yelled “Ummmmmm….can you come in here?”

I opened the door.  “He just POOPED in the potty?!  What do we do now????”

PAUSE.  LONG PAUSE.  What DO we do now?!!!!

“We say YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yelled back!  “Hooray Max!!!!  Wow….you just went in the potty!!!”

And then we started laughing.

How do you wipe a 2 year old who is standing up?  Where do you dump the potty “cup” out?  Do you wash it in the sink?  In the shower?  What in hell do we do next?  (It was a What Would Kerry Do moment.  Kerry…I almost called you to ask what happens next!!)

So we cheered, and did a little dance, and I dumped the cup in the toilet and then washed it out in the bathroom sink (on Sean’s side).  We got Max cleaned up and put a diaper back on.  Sean may or may not have taken a picture of what Max left in the potty, and may or may not have sent it to a grandparent.  Or two.  For the record, I do not condone that.

We realized later that all of those times that Max was taking his pants off….well, it’s possible that he was just telling us he had to go to the bathroom.  Perhaps “Put your pants back on” was not the correct response.  Who knew?  Well, I guess Sean knew.

Anyone know where the hell we go from here????


2 Replies to “Don’t Laugh At Us”

  1. You are too funny! Its kind of funny that you were going to call me! Caleb peepee trained the first day but he shit his shorts (thats from my dad!)for monthhhs. And months. Then he would only poop in his potty chair, at his train table for over a year! when we went away, we had to take the potty chair with us! I'm lost in this mommy world. Did you forget that I'm going to be nursing Bailey until she is 12,hopefully the school will let me visit during recess. And she will still be waking up 3 x a night! Trust your instincts and always remember to do whats best for Max. I find myself doing what others are doing or worrying about what the books say. Our boys are not like everyother boy,they're ours and very, very special. You are doing great, but don't rush him. He will get there, they are going to grow up so fast, so don't rush his little life. We can't wait
    to see you again. Hugs….kerry

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