38 week appointment today. Saw Dr. O because Dr. N was out of town.

  • BP and urine counts were fine.
  • I am 1 cm dilated, but according to Dr. O that doesn’t mean anything. (Actually she said cheerfully “So you’re a little ahead of schedule!” and then when I looked like I was going to cry, she said “But many women are 1 cm for weeks before they deliver!”). Except the first time she checked me she said I wasn’t dilated, and then declared that Max was…..

NO LONGER IN THE HEAD-DOWN POSITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our little guy is officially BREECH.

WHAT????????? In fact, her exact words as she led us in to the ultrasound room to confirm were “I definitely felt something squishy, and it wasn’t his head.” Which left us to ponder….how could she feel anything if my cervix was still closed?? Oh wait, I’m actually one cm dilated. Uh-huh. Which meant that she apparently could reach in there and feel his BUTT. Yeah, TMI for all you loyal blog readers. How do you think I feel??

Sooooo……..now the fun begins. According to Dr. O, if he was indeed head-down all this time, and just flipped recently, then there’s a chance that a) he will flip back on his own or b) that the doctor can manually flip him from the outside (which apparently only has a 50-75% success rate).

Which means, that if they try to manually flip him, it is not a fun procedure. For me or for Max. First I go in to the hospital and they put an IV in. They take me to a C-Section surgery room. They give me some meds (maybe an epidural) to relax my uterus and then they put their hands on the outside of my belly and try to maneuver Max around to see if he will flip. Are you still following me here??? If he does flip, they may induce me anyway afterwards so that he doesn’t have time to flip back. Or they could send me home, and hope that he doesn’t wiggle back the wrong way again. And BTW, this is all done in a surgery room because it’s not the safest procedure for Max and I. So they want to be ready to do an emergency C-Section if his heartrate drops, if the placenta separates from my uterine wall, or if he gets tangled up in the cord during this non-consensul gymnastic charade. FUN STUFF.

So I’m going back on Tuesday now so that they can see if he’s flipped on his own and talk to us about our options. We can also opt to schedule a C-Section and not try to manually flip him. But this could also mean that if I go into labor on my own (before Tuesday, or before a scheduled C-Section….which would be at 39 weeks…..which would be…..oh yeah…….next fucking week…..) then I do not pass go and do not collect $200 and take my ass straight to the hospital and “tell them immediately that you are breech”. So that they can do a C-section. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Seriously Max…..how DID you do a complete 180 degree turn in my belly this far along????

We ran into Sus and Matt at Babies R Us tonight (GOOD TIMES in P-Town on a Thursday night….we are a LONG way from the days of cocktails and dancing after work) and we all had a good laugh over how Max probably realized that he didn’t exactly want to come out just yet, and has his feet braced at the bottom of my uterus like he’s puttin’ on the brakes! We can picture him thinking “You guys don’t have a house for me yet, I don’t have a dog anymore, life SUCKS out there. I’m not goin’ ANYWHERE right now!” We don’t blame you, really.

So now what? Who the hell knows! We signed our loan docs today, but the bank needs to HURRY tomorrow morning to have everything in place by noon, or else we’re stuck in the hotel until Tuesday. And based on what their “hurrying” has looked like so far, I’m not holding my breath. But it would be SO WONDERFUL if it did happen. Especially because I REALLY need to pack a hospital bag now.

Ain’t life just grand?? Just wait until the next blog post, when I tell you how I really feel about getting cut open in front of my husband while I’m still awake. GOOD. TIMES.

Don’t worry Max, we’ll figure out a way to get you out of this mess!!


One Reply to “You Spin Me Right Round Baby, Right Round…..”

  1. So….I think that a baby next Tuesday would be perfect. Can I vote for that??! It is a perfect “birth” day. Or, so at least it has been for me for 31 (eek, almost 32) years. No seriously, I hope everything goes well and that Max enters the world when he is ready! I think this is just him reminding you who is in charge. And who will be for many, many more years!

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