And not for any particular reason… don’t freak out! I don’t have any information that would signal that labor is happening any time soon.

But while I was waiting in the car today as Sean went into the drugstore, I suddenly FREAKED OUT. As in, OH MY GOD, WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY. A BABY! A REAL BABY! AND WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH HIM? HOW ARE WE GOING TO KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIM? HE COULD ARRIVE ANY DAY, WHICH MEANS…..I’M GOING TO GO INTO LABOR! MAYBE NOT TODAY. MAYBE NOT TOMORROW. BUT AT SOME POINT….VERY….VERY….SOON. Maybe it was because Sean said “I’m taking my cell phone in, so call me if you need anything.” And then I said “I didn’t bring MY cell phone, so I couldn’t call you anyway.” And then he said “Well, here…I’ll leave you mine”. To which I had to reply “So that I can do what with it?? Who am I supposed to call???”

And then I started to play the “What If….” game. As in:

What If…..

  • my water breaks right here in the car? What will we do with the Chinese food we just picked up? can we watch the American Idol finale at the hospital? If I eat the Chinese food first, will they have to pump my stomach if I need a C-Section?
  • my water breaks tomorrow, and we have to sign title docs for the new house? will the nice lady at the title company bring my docs to the hospital?
  • i don’t have a hospital bag ready! will I have time to put everything in one place? and where is my favorite lip balm?

Ahhhhh……anxiety mixed with Braxton-Hicks contractions and the combination sizzling platter from Golden Chopsticks. Maybe it’s because:

  • This evening we learned that there is a POSSIBILITY that we MIGHT be able to sign docs on the house tomorrow, which means that we MIGHT be able to close on Friday. (Which is what they told us yesterday, about today, so we’re not getting excited).
  • Sean put the stroller together. So now we have an empty stroller AND an empty carseat staring at us in the hotel room. And diapers. Only parents of babies own diapers.
  • My belly is looking very low. I have become that woman that I said I would never be, with her big pregnant belly hanging out of the bottom of her shirt. It’s not like I go outside like that, but walking around the hotel room is another story. At last week’s doctor’s appointment they said that Max hadn’t “dropped” yet. I bet you five dollars that tomorrow they tell us he has. Sean thinks I look hysterical. At this point, his “fat jokes” are really funny. Because my belly is HUGE.
  • Facebook told me that my dear friend whose baby is due the exact same day as Max…..well her baby is getting ready to make an entrance into this world in the next few days. Oh. My. Heavens.

I just have that feeling right now, people. And yes, it could very well be because we’re practically homeless, our sweet puppy has passed away, and life keeps shitting on us…..but it could also mean that MAYBE something is going to happen soon. So I had to write it here. And who knows, maybe two weeks from now I’ll be sitting on my new sofa in my new living room laughing at myself and my even more enormous belly for thinking that Max’s arrival was right around the corner. Or maybe I won’t 🙂 But just in case I am having an accurate premonition or some kind of “mother’s instinct”, I wanted to show off my amazing abilities by sharing with all of you. Because you wouldn’t have believed me if I had told you after the fact that I just KNEW something was about to happen. OK….enough…..tomorrow morning I’m going to have every single Jewish mother from San Diego to New Jersey calling me to see if I’ve willed myself into labor (just kidding moms!!!!!). I’m just saying….

Oh, and a few things that crack me up:

  • Sean is wearing his blue ViaCord bracelet that they sent us with the cord blood banking kit. It’s like the yellow elastic LiveStrong bracelets, but with the Via Cord number on it. So chic. And so prepared.
  • We sang along to American Idol tonight. Loved the KISS songs and even Keith Urban and Lionel Richie.
  • Sean’s gout means that he can’t move his left foot and has to limp everywhere. He just asked me if his cough sounded like Pneumonia. My 7-ish pound baby pressing on my bladder and making my pelvic bones feel like they’re about to crack means that I can’t really move either leg very well, and have to limp everywhere. We are quite the pair. We look really funny walking down the street. Thank god we can laugh at ourselves, and that it happens often. Very often.

One Reply to “Anxious!”

  1. I officially approve of the baby being born starting today…as we have entered Gemini season. I can’t wait to meet your little one. I’m so proud of both you and Sean. This has been amazing to read and watch unfold. Thank you for sharing this all with us. I will call you soon.

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