Ode to Kohl’s

Oh Kohl’s,
How I love thee…

Why?

Because you have soft stretchy sleeping bras that are buy 2 get one free.

And because last night I stayed awake crying tears of frustration because every pregnant woman but me is packing their hospital bag right now and I am not because my hospital bag is actually my hotel bag and OH MY GOD I can’t go into labor because all of Max’s clothes are in storage and I don’t have anything to bring him home in AND my birthing ball is in storage and I don’t even have the things from “The List” purchased yet and I WILL NOT wear hospital underwear and I really want my own robe and where the f–k are my slippers and sob**sob**sob**.

BUT then I bought three pairs of “necessary panties” from Kohls. And I felt just a tiny bit closer to being a tiny bit ready. Even though NOTHING else is ready, at least I have panties and nursing bras people. We may not have a nursery, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna wear the wrong kind of chonies home from the hospital.

Kohl’s, I also love you because I found another pair of maternity jeans on clearance for NINE DOLLARS AND EIGHTY CENTS. And some stretchy pajama bottoms. And a little white sweater. And some BLING. Now that we’ve moved to the country, where it’s actually HOT out, my fingers are swelling and I’ve come dangerously close to my husband killing me for almost getting my ring stuck. And then he forced me to put my ring away in the safety box. So what’s a girl to do? Walk around like a knocked-up single lady, singing the Beyonce song “If you like it, then you better put a RING on it….” under my breath? Nah…time to buy some $15.69 bling for my ring finger!
Do you think I overdid it? 😉 HAH! Why not have a little fun with life at this point? I’m wearing my fake 4 carat sparkler with PRIDE!

Just a few of life’s simple pleasures when you’re NINE months pregnant. Geesh.

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Comments:

  1. Hey don't knock those hospital chonies till you have tried them!! The goofiest, ugliest, net-like panties are wonderful. Simply lovely. Everyone I have asked fully agrees. Try them once, if nothing else, so you can blog about how ugly they are. I like to think they are like that for birth control! No one wants you back in L&D in 9 months.

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