Last night I went to the last of our classes at the Day One Center, and learned some fascinating facts about newborn care. Sean stayed home so that his horrible cough and endless sneezing didn’t freak out any of the other pregnant ladies, which meant that I took some serious notes on his behalf.
A few things that I learned:
1. Out of the entire class, there was only one other woman who was as far along as I was. BUT, there were some who were MUCH bigger than I was. I know, bitchy to say, but when it’s the girl who’s giggling at the boob pictures during the breastfeeding part of the class, I think I’m justified.
2. Babies don’t need a bunch of products. In other words, the changing table should not look like Mom and Dad’s bathroom. They don’t need lotion, and body wash, and smelly soaps….at least not for the first little while. You’re not even supposed to use baby powder anymore.
3. Pampers diapers have a velcro closure, so you can re-close/open the diaper a few times if you screw up the process of putting it on. They also have a strip that changes color when it’s wet, so that you don’t have to put your finger in there to feel. I was supposed to be putting my finger in there to feel???
4. Swaddling. How to pass the baby to your partner. How to hold the baby. When to feed the baby. How to bathe the baby. Umbilical cord care. How to take a temperature (apparently the underarm method is just as accurate as other methods, which means that **thank god** they don’t recommend rectal thermometers anymore.) How to know if your baby is too hot, too cold, or pissed at you for dressing them like bozo the clown. Then the girl who giggled at the boobs and her fraternity brother husband asked if they should buy the thermometer that measured the temperature in the nursery and turned colors if it was too hot or too cold. Yes, you should….because it is a MIRACLE that we all survived infancy when our parents didn’t have one of those, when really, we should have all died of hypothermia instead. And then they wanted to know “What part of the penis is cut during circumcision? Like, how does it go from looking like that (picture #1) to that (picture #2)?” Really???? You already said you’re having a girl, so now you’re just looking stupid. And honestly, ask your Sorority Wife….I’m sure she’s seen both in her time.
5. Wow, I am CRANKY today, aren’t I?!
6. We also learned more about what will happen in the hospital, how the nurses care for the baby, and how to count wet and poopy diapers to make sure baby is getting enough nourishment. This is going to be SO FUN!
Actually Max, there was something about tonight that made your imminent arrival SO real. Maybe it was holding the baby doll and practicing (yes, it made me feel a little maternal in that 6-year-old holding a baby doll kind of way….though not enough to take endless pictures of me holding my fake baby like frat boy husband did ALL through class). Maybe it was the sheer delight of being one of the most pregnant girls in the class, and knowing that we are less than a month away from meeting you. Or maybe it was just thinking about all of those hospital procedures that all babies have, and how I could be holding you and cuddling you while they were counting all your fingers and toes, cleaning you up, and welcoming you into this world. So I guess it was that 6-year-old girl in me, who absolutely can’t wait to hold and love a tiny baby. And the 31-year-old girl, who can’t wait to be your mom, and bond with you in all of the right ways, and learn exactly how you want to be held, and when you want to be fed, and what each of your little cries mean. Because you’re not just any baby, you’re OUR baby. Your dad and I created you with love and with hope, and with all of our dreams for being a family. We are both absolutely elated that you will be here soon, and whether it’s the 6 year old or the 31 year old girl inside of me….it has been my dream my whole life to be your mom.