Attention! There is a pregnant woman on Aisle 4, and she is frozen there! She’s completely stuck in the newborn aisle, fingering the soft fabric on the tiny little onesies. She has a wacky grin on her face, and she has been comparing blue and white striped booties to little froggie socks for the last 15 minutes. With one hand on her belly and one hand clutching a set of 4 yellow and green burp cloths, she is standing in the middle of the aisle oblivious to what is going on around her.
Attention Target shoppers! There is a pregnant woman who’s having her very first “Oh my god, I’m gonna have a baby, and it’s a boy, and he’s gonna fit in all these miniscule little outfits, and he’s gonna be soooo cute, but he’s gonna need ALL these things, and I just HAVE to get him these booties and while I’m here Diego needs the same exact pair, and what if I register for the Boppy and no one gets it for me, so I may need it right now, and oh look…there’s What To Expect The First Year and I have NO idea what to expect so I need to buy that book TODAY and start studying immediately because I really don’t know when you introduce solids or when babies get their shots, and while I’m here I think that this little robe would be perfect for Max because he could be cold after a bath, and wait…this shirt with the trains and cars on it would be adorable on him, then again it’s long-sleeve and he’ll only fit in it in the summer so I shouldn’t get it, oh damn….how will I know if he’s too hot…..oh my god, I might not know…I really do need this other book Your Baby: Week by Week because I’m sure there’s some huge differences between when he’s 5 weeks old and 6 weeks old, like these bottles over here….some are short and some are tall, he’ll probably need both, and then look at those mobiles they’re SO adorable, oh this one can clip on to a car seat, oh wait…the car seat…..I should probably think about what size/style/color we need and then…..look at those tiny little beanie hats, don’t all babies need one of those when they come home from the hospital, even if it is going to be the middle of summer???????????” moment.
Attention Target shoppers: Please ignore the pregnant woman on aisle 4!!!!!!!!!!!