Complications Of Motherhood

Megaphone

  Thrilled to be published on Mamalode this month, talking about whether or not we exist beyond our children. There are goldfish crackers ground into your carpet. There is a small streak of peanut butter on the side of your sofa that matches the height of a toddler who just earned the right to walk around while he eats his snack. Who am I kidding? He won't sit in the high chair anymore, and the only way you can convince him to eat is to let him walk around with a smashed sandwich in his hand. There are exactly 247 Legos scattered across your 5-year-old's bedroom, none of which are the exact ones he is looking for when he's yelling through the bathroom door that "the little blue

My Breasts Belong To Me

IMG_0847

"34DD" she said, and smiled. I looked at her across the brightly lit dressing room.  "You're kidding me. Are you sure?"  From his lookout point in the stroller, my tiny wisp of a 1 month old started to cry.  "I'll be back with some options for you to try on" she laughed, and closed the door behind her. My breasts stared at me, all of their 34DD glory reflected back at me underneath the ugly fluorescent lights . I have always considered my breasts to be my greatest asset.  Suddenly, we were strangers. I'm a curvy girl.  Curvy in the "nice boobs and ass, so don't look too long at my stomach and thighs" kind of way.  I hated the rest of my body, but my boobs?  They were the only

I Support You: Be Part Of The Solution Nov 1st-7th, 2014

Support

Sup·port transitive verb \sə-ˈpȯrt\ : to agree with or approve of (someone or something) : to show that you approve of (someone or something) by doing something : to give help or assistance to (someone or something) Full Definition of SUPPORT 1: to endure bravely or quietly :  bear 2 a (1) :  to promote the interests or cause of (2) :  to uphold or defend as valid or right :  advocate <supports fair play> (3) :  to argue or vote for  b (1) :  assist, help <bombers supported the ground troops>(2) :  to act with (a star actor) (3) :  to bid in bridge so as to show support for c :  to provide with substantiation :  corroborate <support an alibi> 3 a :  to pay the

Motherhood Is A Competitive Sport: 20 Steps To Kicking Everyone’s Ass

BrosPlayNice

Is your baby keeping you up at night?  Are you worried about whether or not you're making enough breast milk, or if you've chosen the right formula?  Can't figure out the difference between Gerber and Ferber and AP and Pee-Pee and a nanny-share and an over-share?  Wondering if everyone else has this parenting gig all figured out, when the best you can muster up is five minutes in the bathroom alone? Of course you're drowning.  Motherhood is a competitive sport.  It's eat or be eaten in the great game of parenting, so you better saddle up sister.  Establish yourself as the leader of the pack now, while you still have your wits about you.  Be an Alpha.  Put that college degree to good use.

The (Secret) Truth About #ISupportYou

BuysSuitcase4

  Want to know a secret? Shhh. Come close. We don't give a shit how you feed your baby. We don't care.  We don't care because there are women taking their babies for chemotherapy and women struggling to scrape up enough cash to buy dinner and women who feel so shitty about themselves that they think it would be better for their children if they just disappeared.  Mothers are falling so deep down the rabbit hole of depression and anxiety, because they are sure that they are failing.  Because that's what some of you are telling them.  And you know what?  We’re starting to think it's a cop out to say it’s because you really want their babies to have what you think is best.  We’re

10 Ways That C-Sections and Vaginal Births Are Exactly The Same

MommyMaxBenSnuggle

Disclaimer:  If I use the word "vagina" in the title of a post, consider that your warning about skipping this one if you yourself do not own a vagina.   For many women, birth either involves an actual human getting pushed out of your vagina, or an actual human getting pulled from your womb through an honest to goodness operation.  That you are most likely awake for. Yes, babies are "supposed" to be born through the appropriate exit door.  I am well aware of the statistics that show how care providers coerce women into c-sections, and urge complacency so that women do not advocate for themselves as they birth.  Not every woman who has a c-section "needs" one, regardless of what your

5 Ways To Improve Elementary School

KingOfDay1

Dear School District, I know that it's only been a week since my son started Kindergarten, but I was hoping to share a few ideas with you.  Unlike those helicopter parents who elbow their way into the principal's office on Day 3 to give "constructive feedback", I wanted to make sure that I really understood how things worked before reaching out to you.  It's Day 7, and as a seasoned public school veteran now, I'm hoping that my outline of district-wide improvements will be well-received. Here are a few important ways that you can improve the public elementary school experience for all of the families in our community: 1.  Mandatory public school for toddlers.  So here's the thing.